And by “gay,” I mean you could be lesbian, bisexual, pansexual, or really any of the letters as they relate to LGBTQ+ identities. The first thing I want you to know is it’s okay to take your time answering this question.

Some people know very clearly when they’re young, like 6 or 7 years old. Others don’t know or begin to question their sexual or gender identity until much later in life. Categories and labels are really helpful for some and boxing in for others. Use what’s helpful and clarifying and let go of what isn’t.

You don’t have to be gay enough or straight enough, you don’t have to prove this, and you don’t have to have a sexual or romantic experience to prove it.

You can know in your heart what’s right and true about you. If it’s helpful to go on a date or kiss someone of the same sex, then that’s okay, but it’s not necessary.

How do you know if you’re gay?

The question of “Am I gay?” becomes even more complicated and painful if you grew up in a religious home, attended church, or come from a Christian faith. I want you to know you are not alone and God loves you and affirms you as you are. There are beautiful and life-giving ways to reconcile your faith with your orientation, and many other people have found their way through this.

Questions you can ask yourself are:

• What kind of content and creators are you drawn to on social media? Are you drawn to queer creators, for example, is your “For You” page filled with later-in-life lesbians? These can be clues to a shift that might be taking place deep inside.

• Have you ever felt truly comfortable having physical, emotional, and sexual connections with someone of the opposite sex? Oftentimes, with someone who is queer, at least one of these elements isn’t quite there in their past relationships.

• Are you jealous of a close friend’s current romantic relationship? Of course, it’s annoying when a friend ditches you for their newest love interest, but this is different from the heartbreak that comes when you’re queer but don’t realize it, and your feelings of deep friendship are actually because you’ve fallen in love with your friend. Heartbreak and jealousy don’t mean you’re a bad friend; they mean you’ve probably developed romantic feelings for your friend and just haven’t realized it.

• Have people asked you if you’re gay? This can be a painful question because sometimes it involves bullying, but outside of that terrible experience of others negatively targeting you, have you had people in your life genuinely ask and wonder if you’re queer? Sometimes other people in our lives can unconsciously intuit something about us that we’ve blocked out.

• Do you feel that if you didn’t fear hell or the rejection of your family, you’d more easily know the truth about your identity? Fear of rejection can block us from more fully knowing ourselves.

• When you dream or fantasize sexually, do you think about other people of the same gender? This doesn’t automatically make you gay, but it most likely means there is something to explore further.

Affirming Therapy is a non-profit that works with LGBTQ+ people.

Many times when we don’t realize we are gay until later in life, it’s because we start to have feelings for someone we know, a close friend perhaps. This can feel really overwhelming and scary. Some people feel like they’ve done something wrong by having feelings for their friend.

I want you to know it’s completely normal and natural to have romantic feelings for a friend, especially when your sexual identity is unknown to you. You were created for a relationship, so if you’re not intentionally seeking out dating someone of the same gender, then the most natural thing to happen is a crush on a friend. It’s definitely something to explore, but it does not make you creepy or weird.

Remember, realizing that you are attracted to people of the same sex is a natural part of human diversity. Whatever the result, you deserve love and respect just like anyone else. Many people find it helpful to meet with a therapist to better understand what’s going on internally and to have a safe place to explore your feelings.

Want to speak with someone in confidence? Set up a free consultation call.

We have a team of therapists and coaches who specialize in this kind of work who would love the opportunity to journey with you. You can start off with a free consultation call to see if this is a good fit for you and to get any questions answered that you might have. Fill out a contact form below and we’ll be in touch.

Many LGBTQ+ people who reach out to us for therapy can’t afford mental health services, so we’re working to bridge that gap. If you have the means, would you consider donating? Continue reading below to find out more about our lifesaving services.

Bridging the financial gap between mental health accessibility and the LGBTQ+ community

Equal access to affirming and culturally competent therapy

50% of LGBTQ people who reached out for counseling were unable to get the help they needed because they could not afford it. This is where you come in - money should not be the thing that gets in the way of an LGBTQ+ person receiving mental health services.

Let's change this statistic together.

Your Help So Far

Thanks to our generous donors, in 2023 Affirming Therapy was able to offer scholarships for over 80 hours of therapy at a significantly reduced cost to 15 individuals. This year, 2024 has already proven to be successful, not even halfway through the year and we’ve already done the same number of scholarships with many more to come. 

Our goal is to expand our previous impact significantly to 50 individuals and 600 hours of therapy!  We are already on track to meet that goal.  Please consider giving so that we can help as many as we can from the LGBTQ+ community get the life-saving therapy they need.

What Actual Clients Are Saying:

“I found the Christian Closet through an instagram post. When I came to the Christian Closet I was deep in shame about my divorce, reeling from hurt left by my evangelical church, and was processing my new found identity as a queer woman. It was the first place I felt I could go where I could bring all parts of me to the table and be met with love, understanding and experience. I didn’t need to hide being a lesbian to sort though church hurt and I didn’t have to sort through my homosexuality and leave God out of it. I was able to find clarity in the mystery and healing where there was hurt. I honestly don’t know how I would have sorted through and found parts of myself without the Christian Closet. I am forever grateful for the healing I experienced through my time there!”

Lexia M

“In January of 2020, I didn’t think I could go on living. I had recently come out, after living a life of shame and hiding in the world of Christian ministry. I was drowning in it, when a friend threw me a life raft, and referred me to Candice. I can’t describe how deeply healing it was to meet with someone who understood what it was like to be queer and grow up Christian. And she helped me realize something really wonderful- I am good and beautiful and powerful, just as I am. Meeting with Candice not only helped saved my life- it helped bring me to life.“

Amy T

“Although I was privileged to be able to afford my sessions with some help from insurance, therapy was a financial sacrifice. I know many people cannot afford to get quality mental healthcare, especially those who live in areas–like I do–where LGBTQ-qualified counselors are not easy to find. I benefited so much from my time with Candice–every queer person deserves to have access to to life-saving and life-enriching mental health services.”

Devon Van Essen